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Hold You In

by Ella Belfanti

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about

I wrote 'Hold You In' after my first ever relationship came to an end. It's about knowing that you need to let something go, but wanting to hold onto it despite knowing it's not right for you. When this relationship started, I felt like I'd been longing to experience that kind of deep connection with someone for a long time. But I had just moved to a new place (I was doing a snow season as a ski instructor on a mountain I'd never been to before), and at that stage I wasn't looking for anything - I felt like I was trying to find my feet as an individual, and I wanted to be strong and independent in this new place. But this relationship developed unexpectedly, and because it was my first one, it was particularly exciting. When it eventually became clear we weren't right for each other, I went through a sort of grieving over what could have been. I wanted to hold onto what we had, to hold him in, even though I knew I was fighting a losing battle by hanging on. We both knew we had to let it go, but it was still difficult.

lyrics

Taking in too many faces at once
And saying hi to hide how I hurt
Stubborn to be strongest on my own
But to let down my walls and to live and let learn

And I wanted to be closer
I wanted to be warm
But I'd flown across the sky into the coldest blizzard storm
And it's ironic
That everything I set out to find
Is exactly what you weren't, but somehow I didn't mind

Breathe in and let it be
Breathe out and feel your stomach turning
Facing the wind
Gasping and trying to hold it in
I wanna hold you in

When I felt you up against me, I'd never been so soft
You played along with all the stories I thought I'd lost
So keep playing
That's what I wanted you to do
I'd never been stripped back, it was all so new

Breathe in and let it be
Breathe out and feel your stomach turning
Facing the wind
Gasping and trying to hold it in
I wanna hold you in

And so I held back
But I hoped, I hoped harder than ever before
That despite the shit thrown our way, this could be something more
But you held me at a distance when I should’ve been held tight
And I fought hard to make this feel right

But if a battle’s what I'm in, then I’ve lost before the start
I shouldn’t have to fight to feel something in my heart
So run away
It’s the only thing I know
Run away
Oh it’s easier to let me go
This narrative that’s played out in my head for so long
Had me wishing for someone to come and prove me wrong

I was wishing for someone to come and prove me wrong
I was wishing for you to come and prove them wrong
I was wishing for someone to come and prove me wrong
Why won’t you prove me wrong?
I was wishing for you to come and prove them wrong
Why won’t you prove them wrong?

Breathe in and let it be
Breathe out and feel your stomach turning
Facing the wind
Gasping and trying to hold it in

Breathe in and let it be
Breathe out and feel your stomach turning
Facing the wind
Gasping and trying to hold it in
I want to hold you in
Ooh
But I can’t hold you in

credits

released September 15, 2020
Songwriter: Ella Belfanti
Vocals, guitar, stomp: Ella Belfanti
Produced & mixed by: George Carpenter
Mastered by: Paul Blakey

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Ella Belfanti Australia

Hailed as “The next big thing!” by TV and radio personality Yumi Stynes and described as a modern day Joni Mitchell, Ella Belfanti is a promising young solo artist and award-winning guitarist notable for her percussive guitar playing and mesmerising live shows. ... more

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